Dear Diary
by Kouzumi93
Summary: Companion to My Own Worst Nightmare. It's Hinamori's turn to tell their tale. This is her side of the story, told through her diary that she keeps.
1. October Second

Hee, this has been in my head for a while now. As much as I like how My Own Worst Nightmare is coming along, I felt that there were many things that I wanted to elaborate on, but couldn't, due to the perspective of the story. This is also a first-person story, but it's Hinamori, so I am able to open up more doors of options.

Before you read this, I do suggest reading 'MOWN,' as you will understand the events better.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Dear Diary

By Kouzumi93

Chapter 1: October 2

Dear Diary,

Today, we received a new student in school. His schedule is identical to mine, so the office had me be his guide to class. He seems like such a nice kid, and he gets along with Rangiku-san just fine. They even made a bet during lunch, but it's completely absurd. Whoever finds evidence (or a lack thereof) on the 'Tale of Two Lovers' rumour wins. I tried to stop them, but they just ignored me and went on with it anyway.

They didn't create a deadline for the bet, but when they call it over and the loser has to do what they agreed on, I'm going to make sure I'm not there. I don't want to see either of them singing on a table in their underwear. I might end up scarred for life.

Hitsugaya-kun...He seems to have been hurt sometime in the past. Not physically, but mentally. I'm not too sure what happened, but he said that he would tell me about it another time. Although, if it hurts him as much as it appears to, I don't think he'll be talking about it for a while. I asked him about it, and he acted as if he hadn't even heard me say anything. I'm assuming that he's trying to avoid the subject.

Poor kid.

But because of him, I began thinking of my mother again. I don't mean to say that I never think of her and keep her far from my mind, because she's always near my every thought. Actually, I was thinking of her death again. She had been sick with pneumonia, so it's not like I wasn't expecting it, but I wasn't even near prepared for it. It was one of those things that you know is coming but you just can't imagine it actually happening.

Right after she passed away is when my father began spending more and more time at work and less time here at the house. It's almost as if he's avoiding the place where she lived and died.

No, that's not it. He's not avoiding the house. It's me. What he's avoiding is me.

I look just like my mother, so it's understandable that he wouldn't want to be around me. It must be so painful for my father to have had a child that looks so much like the one he lost.

Ah! This is getting so depressing now! If I ever come back to read this another day, I'll get myself all upset again, so I'll add in some more pleasant thoughts to this to lighten the mood.

In gym class today, we were swimming laps, and I managed to come in second behind Kotetsu Isane, but that's only because she's one of the school's top lifeguards. But we had to swim more than usual because some of the girls tried to get out of swimming. Soifon-sensei doesn't allow anyone to get out of her class unless it is a verified, decent excuse. I'm glad that she's not as bad as Zaraki-sensei, though. I heard from someone that he makes everyone participate, no matter what. Today I even saw him kick a football into the back of Abarai-kun's head. He almost got Hitsugaya-kun as well.

Looking on the bright side, I'm sure there's never a dull moment in his classes.

I'm getting a little tired now. Father came home last night just after I went to sleep, but he left again this morning before I even awoke. It almost makes me wonder why he even bothered to stop in, but at least I know he was here. It does sadden me that he's never really around, but he's working and can't really do anything about it. Besides, it's not like I'm here alone all of the time. The servants can be good company, and Rangiku-san is allowed over whenever she wants. She lives in one of the poorest sections of the city, so she hangs out over here to escape the chaos that always surrounds her over there.

I wonder where Hitsugaya-kun lives. I know he lives just a few streets away on Broadway, but there are so many houses on that street and I don't even know which ones have been up for sale recently. It's probably a nice, spacious place, though. Broadway has some of the nicest places in the city. The most expensive, too. His parents must be rich.

Oh, there I go speculating again. It's getting late anyway, so I suppose I'll have to call this quits for the night. Life has been so uneventful lately that I'm not even able to find very much to put into these entries anymore. Maybe this new student will bring about some changes and whatnot around here.

Yours truly,

Hinamori Momo

* * *

I'm not sure if I'm going to do one of these for _every_ day of the storyline, since there are some days that not much happens at all, but I'll see about that when I get to those parts in both stories.

Anyway, let me know if this is worth continuing. They shouldn't all be this short, especially not the next chapter, so don't think that they'll all be like this. This is more of a prologue than anything.

One final note: This and MOWN will be updated together, so the next chapter of this won't be posted until I post (finish) chapter three of that one. Can't give away events of one story in the other one, now can I? (Shh, I know this one is delayed a bit.)


	2. October Third

Wow, this was supposed to be posted around the same time as chapter three of the main story, and it's only getting written when chapter four has been finished. Rather, almost finished.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Dear Diary

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Two: October 3

Dear Diary,

Today...Today has been crazy, to say the least. First, I ended up finding out what Hitsugaya-kun had lost, which is a long story in itself, then I took him home and his mother told me that he is suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. After that, Hitsugaya-kun ran away and I chased him all the way to the park, where I tried to get him to talk. I did succeed, I will note, but it was only _after_ I'd kissed him.

I kissed him! On the lips, even!

What was I _thinking_? I can't believe how much of an idiot I must be to have done that, what with all he's going through at the moment. And then I ended up using a lame excuse like 'it always works in the movies'. Isn't it usually the other way around, anyway?

Geez, how am I ever going to be able to face him again? Even though he didn't seem to be bothered by it after a while, I don't think something like this is going to be forgotten so easily. If Rangiku-san finds out, I'll never live this down.

...There's so much I want to write in here, but I don't know how to even start on half of it. I mean, how can I explain events that I myself don't even understand fully? Even though Hitsugaya-kun told Rangiku-san and I what happened, it still feels so surreal; like we were just auditioning for some sort of movie.

Stuff like this can't really happen in real life, right? Older sisters don't just go and kill themselves in front of their younger siblings, right? Aren't the older siblings supposed to protect the ones that come after them?

I don't have any siblings, but I think that if I did, I'd be hugging them right about now. My mother's death affected my life quite a bit, and just thinking about a suicide made my stomach churn. And then I have to think: Hitsugaya-kun saw it.

He watched his sister shoot herself. He got coated in her blood because he walked into her room just as she shot herself in the head. He was shocked and tried to make her wake up, as if she was only taking a nap and...I've realized that I really can't even _begin_ to imagine what he's going through. We've both experienced a death of a close family member, but the circumstances behind each are completely different.

I was at school when my mother died. Science class with Kurotsuchi-sensei. I remember because he got terribly mad when the phone rang while he was in the middle of a lecture. He told me to take my things to the office, and that's where I found out. There were tears, too many, but I got better quickly. I'd been more or less prepared for the worst.

But suicides are different. Sometimes there are signs. Other times there is nothing; the person just does it on a whim or something, and no one had any clue about their intentions. Hitsugaya-kun didn't say much about it and he was only ten at the time, so I doubt he would've known what to look for. Maybe his sister left clues as to what she was thinking, and it was just that no one caught on to them.

But it doesn't really matter. I can't find out, and I don't think anything can ease Hitsugaya-kun's pain. Time doesn't seem to be doing much besides helping him to hide the pain. And that's not actually helping him. It's only going to turn him into a walking time-bomb.

And right now, that time-bomb is out in the rain under a tree. Maybe he fell asleep. Maybe he went home. I don't know. He said he'd go home, but whether or not he does is a different story. He'll get sick if he stays out there all night. I want to go check up on him, and yet I don't think I should.

No, not that I _shouldn't_, but that I wouldn't be able to sneak out in the middle of the night. The servants have been enforcing my parents' rules for years, one of them being that my curfew is ten and lights out is midnight. And right now, it's already past thirty. On a school-night.

I'm not going anywhere.

But I hope Hitsugaya-kun will be alright. And Rangiku-san, too. She looked a little pale after Hitsugaya-kun told us of his past, and she looked like she was rushing home. She's an only child as well, but she lives with some younger cousins who are around nine and ten. Everything he said probably made her think of them.

They practically _are_ her siblings. They look up to her and learn from her, and she does her best to be a good influence to them while she's around the house. Something like this seems like it would really hit home for her.

Well, I suppose I should turn in for the night. Today has been tough on everyone, and I hope I will be able to sleep some of this off.

Good Night,

Hinamori Momo

* * *

Fuuck. This was a bitch to write, so I hope you appreciate it. Most of that was made up on a whim, and I'm rather tired right now, so I don't know how much of that is actually going to make sense. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. I'll proof it later (before it's posted). Why did I put that anyway? Because I probably never will get around to proofing this.

-Sigh- I need a beta. Anyone up to it?

By the way, I don't actually have any plans for Matsumoto's cousins. They don't have names or anything right now. Probably never will. So don't ask. If they do get names and such, they won't be from Bleach. I've run out of characters.

Review and I'll love you for life~!


	3. October Fourth

Hey, this is actually getting finished on time! It didn't take long to write, maybe two hours at most, and I actually like how it came out. I hope you, as the reader, can feel the same way.

Enjoy~!

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Dear Diary

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Three: October 4

Dear Diary,

Today has been...exhausting, to say the least. Not school, but everything following it. Due to unforeseen circumstances, Hitsugaya-kun is now staying with me. It's surprisingly easy to adjust to his being here, but there was a large gap of time that he wasn't actually awake.

When he did wake up, I guess he went looking for me, and then Mey-Rin broke my father's favourite fairy statue—again. As usual, I sent Izumi-chan and Kanako-san to have another one made, but at this rate, my father is going to discover that the current statues are not the original. I'm so worried.

After I realized that Hitsugaya-kun was downstairs, I made us some ramen and he went to watch TV, and my day was on a downward spiral from there. I'm not sure how he ended up on the news channel, but that was on when I went into the living room.

And Hitsugaya-kun looked to be in shock. When I asked him what was wrong, all he could do was point at the TV, the horrified expression on his face never faltering. Looking up at the screen, I saw the words 'Breaking News' on the side, and then the anchorwoman began to elaborate on the phrase.

I quickly understood Hitsugaya-kun's shock.

A good friend of mine, Kurosaki Ichigo, was dead. The cause of death was announced as a drowning, but I didn't hear much after that. The bowls of ramen I had been holding onto slipped from my hands and shattered on the floor, catching the attention of my maids.

Someone turned off the TV, and I saw that Hitsugaya-kun looked troubled. I opened my mouth to comfort him, but just as I did so, he changed his expression and pointed out that the carpet was going to get ruined if we didn't move so the maids could clean.

Once everything was cleaned up, Hitsugaya-kun and I decided that our appetites no longer existed. I awkwardly gave him a tour of the rest of the house, and we both retired to our rooms on opposite sides of the house.

I called Rangiku-san to tell her about what happened to Kurosaki-kun, only to find out that she already knew. She sounded like she was crying, something I hadn't seen her do in years. Her tears were certainly understandable, so I didn't call any attention to them.

But then she said something that I hadn't thought about.

'_Ichigo couldn't have drowned._' It didn't register right away, but then I remembered that he was an amazing swimmer. With that in mind, drowning shouldn't have been possible for him.

A pang of fear struck me then.

If he didn't drown, then what could've happened to him?

I don't know where to go with this information, nor what I can do with it at all. Should someone point it out to the police? Or should we just stay silent and hope that they notice it on their own?

Maybe I'll talk to Hitsugaya-kun tomorrow and see what he thinks I should do. Or maybe I'll keep an ear open all day and see if anyone else is saying anything about it.

Oh my, it's getting quite late now, isn't it? I suppose it's time I turn in for the night. I just have to hope that this isn't some sort of foreshadowing of the future.

I don't think I'd be able to handle it if it's worse than this.

Yours truly,

Hinamori Momo

* * *

Noo! You've got to be kidding me! It's so shoort! Both of the others are over one thousand words, and this one isn't even close! I didn't even forget anything, rather, I added stuff in! Agh, such a pain.

Ah well, the length shouldn't matter much anyway. My own journal entries are usually far shorter than this, so meh.

Review if you feel that the story is worthy of some!


	4. October Fifth through Eighth

This chapter is going to be a bit different from the last three chapters, since instead of having one entry, this is going to have four or five. I don't want to skip a single day in the timeline, so this may happen quite often in the coming chapters. Some days are major events, and then there are days where next to nothing happens. Hitsugaya never mentions most days, so here you'll be able to see exactly what's going on.

Please enjoy this somewhat short chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Dear Diary

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Four: October 5, 6, 7, 8

Dear Diary,

It turns out that Rangiku-san and I are not the only ones with suspicions about Kurosaki-kun's death. Most everyone in school is saying that someone had to have murdered him. I'm afraid of thinking like that, even though I think I agree. But if there's someone in town that would kill someone as nice as Kurosaki-kun so easily, who's to say he won't come back again?

What if he comes back for another student from my school? Or another member of Kurosaki-kun's family? I can't bring myself to imagine little Karin-chan or Yuzu-chan being killed. Their father, either.

This is all getting too scary.

~Hinamori Momo

(October Sixth)

Dear Diary,

They told us in school today that there will be a funeral held for Kurosaki-kun on Monday, the ninth. Rangiku-san and Hitsugaya-kun are both going, so perhaps I will go and cling to one of them, if they allow me to. At my mother's funeral, I held onto Rangiku-san so tightly, I thought I was going to break her arm.

Maybe it won't be so bad this time.

Right now, I suppose I can only hope for the best. Doing that is the only thing I can do to sustain my sanity in this world of madness. Well, that and rely on my friends for help. With my father never around, I've become more dependent on my friends than ever before.

~Hinamori Momo

P.S. I just recalled that I have never talked to Hitsugaya-kun about my mother. He revealed to Rangiku-san and myself all about his sister's suicide and made himself vulnerable to us, people he hardly knew, and yet I have still not revealed much. I suppose tomorrow I'll have to talk with him.

(October Seventh)

What an idiot I am. I've known how touchy the subject of death is with Hitsugaya-kun, but I still went and brought it up this afternoon. I told him all about how my mother died, just like I was thinking of doing last night, but I don't even know what kind of reaction I was seeking to get out of him. Did I want him to comfort me, to tell me that everything was going to be alright? Because that's certainly not what happened.

After I told him, he didn't say anything about it, only went up to his room, claiming he had a headache. I don't doubt that he did, because two hours later, he still hadn't left his room. I went to check on him, where he told me that his headache had gotten worse. Then he went back into the room, and I, who didn't know what to do, ended up going back down the stairs.

I'm such a fool. If I've done anything to him while he's been here, it's only worsened his state of mind. I'm beginning to wonder if he's really going to be better off here rather than with his own family. They at least would be used to the things they shouldn't do or say around him, whereas I have never had to be careful of my actions around anyone.

I am pleased, though, that he came back down a while after I spoke to him in his room. It didn't last long, as he just gathered his books and went to his room again, but I was glad that he seemed to be doing a bit better. He said that his headache was mostly gone, and that is a good sign that maybe all he needs is a bit of time.

Now all I have to do is heal his suffering and figure out how to make him actually eat at each meal. For the past few days, he's hardly eaten anything, which is starting to worry me.

But we'll get through this.

~Hinamori Momo

(October Eighth)

Today was a bad day, in my opinion. It has been raining since I woke up this morning, and it still has not stopped. Hitsugaya-kun and I haven't really spoken to each other much today, either. I've been afraid of saying something wrong again, and I guess he was just distracted. He looked like he didn't get much sleep last night, and I realized that he must be having a rough time with all that's going on.

Tomorrow is Kurosaki-kun's funeral, and I think we're both dreading it more than we'll admit. I'm not sure if I can handle it, and I don't know quite how much Hitsugaya-kun will be able to, either.

He is probably going to have to go home sometime soon, too. I'm not kicking him out or anything, and he hasn't said a word about leaving yet, but his parents are surely worried about him by now. Especially if he does this sort of thing all the time.

I'm already blaming myself for his running away, since it's my fault that he spoke of his past in the first place. If something else were to happen because of me, I don't know what I would do.

~Hinamori Momo

* * *

Does this sound like Hinamori? I'm so used to writing in Hitsugaya's point of view, that I'm wondering if his personality is spilling into this one, even though it's not him. And do people even write diaries like this? My journal entries are sporadic, and usually rather short.

The next chapter is going to be out soon. I just have to write the ending of it. It's probably not going to be as long as this, but that happens on those single days.

Review, please~!


	5. October Ninth

Yay, new chapter~! It's another short one, but the update came nice and quick, so I suppose it's alright to have it short. Then again, all of these chapters are insanely short compared to the lengths I usually write.

Enjoy this chapter~!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Dear Diary

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Five: October 9

Dear Diary,

Today has been both the worst and greatest day of my life. Kurosaki-kun's funeral was held this morning, and that got me more emotional than I thought. I clung to Hitsugaya-kun's side the entire time, and he held and comforted me, almost like my own personal shield, especially during the burial where Kurosaki-kun's coffin was lowered into the ground.

That part really upset me, possibly because up until that point, it had felt like nothing but a terrible dream. A distant, frightening nightmare that belonged to someone else, but the coffin's decent was where I could no longer deny it. Kurosaki-kun is really dead.

It must be so hard on his family. Kurosaki-kun's mother was killed in an accident six years ago, and now they've lost him as well. Karin-chan and Yuzu-kun must be emotional wrecks by now. Their father is a doctor, too. He probably blames himself for not being able to save either one of them.

I don't know what to think about the situation anymore. There hasn't been any new information concerning a change in the cause of death, so we're starting to think the police are not even looking into his death. Does that mean everyone will remember Kurosaki-kun as someone who just mysteriously drowned in his pool?

Of course, the funeral only took up a part of my morning. This afternoon, I cried myself to sleep while thinking about various serious topics, and I was awakened by a kiss. It was like Sleeping Beauty, except once Hitsugaya-kun saw that I had awakened, he ran off, embarrassed, no doubt. I thought I was dreaming for a while, because it certainly felt like it was one.

To find confirmation or lack there of, I went over to Hitsugaya-kun's room and knocked on the door. After a moment, he appeared, looking rather red in the face. That itself told me I wasn't dreaming, and I decided that I really wanted to kiss him again. I caught him off guard and slipped into the room, kissing and embracing him.

After that, it was as if I was on cloud nine, and my conscience was the storm clouds that closed in, trying to force me back down. As Hitsugaya-kun stripped me, I felt like a doll in the hands of a very careful, caring child. Some part of me kept telling me to stop, that we were going too fast too soon, and I even voiced this concern twice, maybe three times. But there was something about the way Hitsugaya-kun looked at me that made me feel as if everything was fine. His every touch set me more and more at ease, and soon enough, I didn't want it to stop.

When it finally did end, I could still feel him in me, and I couldn't help enjoying that feeling. The memories of this night are going to be held close to my heart for the rest of my life. I don't remember ever feeling so happy. I'm a little afraid of what my father would do if he found out about this. I haven't even told him that Hitsugaya-kun is staying here.

I'm also worried about another thing. What would happen if I get pregnant? I'm due for my period in a few days, and neither of us was prepared for what we did tonight. Maybe we'll get lucky and nothing will happen, but I'm not sure what we should do in the situation arises.

Though I can't help thinking that I wouldn't very much mind having a child with Hitsugaya-kun. Not right now, of course, because we're still much too young to be thinking of such things.

Maybe if we don't do it anymore for a little while, we'll be okay. It'll be alright, I'm sure. We shouldn't be punished by Fate because we gave in to our hearts. Temptation is always present, so there shouldn't be anything wrong with giving in to it every now and then.

Right?

Besides, as long as no one else finds out, it will be as if nothing has changed around me except, of course, how Hitsugaya-kun and I act around each other. Though it doesn't matter how we are, because there's already a thick cloud of rumours surrounding us.

I haven't heard what any of them are yet, but as long as no one is getting hurt, I don't see much of a problem. And it doesn't look like Hitsugaya-kun is bothered by them much either, because he never mentions or brings them up. I think I saw someone approach him in the hallway the other day and ask him something, but it looked like he brushed whatever it was off as if it was nothing but a speck of dust.

From what I heard from one person I talked to, most of the rumours are indirectly Rangiku-san's fault. If someone asks her about the two of us, she tells them something insignificant, but it gets blown up and out of proportion, and before we know it, it's so far off from reality.

Heh. I suppose they might not be too far from the truth, now.

~Hinamori Momo

* * *

Whew, I got that done just in time~! I got a little distracted because my damn mind decided that I must write another volume of Seireitei Rulebook, and I had to write my ideas down before they got in the way of this. My cat running wild in my room with a hair tie didn't keep me on task, either.

Damn you Rocky.

I hope to write and post the next chapter another day this week (not Friday), since I'm [hopefully] going to be posting chapter six of MOWN this week, too. Just have to type it, and I don't want to.

Okay, Rocky is trying to claim my attention now, so if you'll review and he leaves me alone, I'll get right back to work.

Maybe.


	6. October Tenth through Twelfth

Le Gasp! Could this be an update? For the first time in nearly two months? Well, yeah. If I was focusing on anything at all, it was the main story. This one got pushed aside, but now I have to catch this one up so I can update the other one.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Dear Diary

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Six: October 10, 11, 12

(October Tenth)

Dear Diary,

Today was another terrible day. First of all, Rangiku-san found out that Hitsugaya-kun and I had sex, and she practically proclaimed it to the entire school. It's not like no one suspected anything, but being suddenly called out on it was quite embarrassing.

That, of course, was the least of my concerns for the day. Ise-sensei, the art teacher, was out today, and various teachers were filling in for her. My class had the Driver's Education teacher, Starrk-sensei. He didn't feel like teaching art, so he had us read the books that he usually uses for his regular classes. From those, he gave us an assignment with an impending test planned for afterward, so I started right away.

Not ten minutes later, Hitsugaya-kun jumped up from his seat, a look of horror displayed on his face. After he'd run out of the classroom, I looked at the book and saw that the page it was opened to had a picture of a severe car accident. Two teenage girls were visible in one, and both were coated in blood.

I chased after him, but I quickly discovered that he had gone into the men's restroom, where I was not permitted to go. Luckily, I found a freshman by the name of Yamada Hanataro, talking him into going in.

I waited outside the room for a bit, when Hanataro finally emerged. He said that Hitsugaya-kun told him to tell me that he (Hitsugaya-kun) would be fine and that I should stop worrying. I wasn't convinced, and I could see that Hanataro didn't believe it either, even though he had never met Hitsugaya-kun before.

I eventually went back to class, making sure to ask Starrk-sensei to not give Hitsugaya-kun a detention, as there were special circumstances behind his actions that I could not thoroughly explain. He said that he understood, and that he hadn't really intended to give him one anyway.

Just before the bell rang, I gathered Hitsugaya-kun's things along with mine, and, after the bell rang, waited outside the bathroom for him. When he finally emerged, he looked like he was back to normal, but his eyes were distant. I returned his books and we went to History, where he proceeded to fall asleep within three minutes of the bell ringing.

At lunch, he didn't eat anything, and he and Rangiku-san got into a petty argument over how Hitsugaya was feeling. He stalked off, and when I saw him in Law, he said nothing to me. He never showed up to Gym class.

After school, I was relieved to see that colour had returned to his face, and that he had forgiven Rangiku-san for their earlier disagreement. They joked around for a while, then Hitsugaya-kun revealed that I was helping him to recover. I was surprised to hear this, but glad that his stay at my house was actually doing him some good.

Later on, just a little while ago, I got a call from Aizen-dono. He said that he'll be stopping in tomorrow evening to check up on me. I'm glad that he will be coming, because whenever he is around, it seems as if all of the bad things vanish into thin air.

Aizen-dono makes me feel safe and secure.

But right now, there seems to be a dark cloud hanging over me. I get the feeling that today is not going to be the worst to come, and that the upcoming events will not quite be so merciful.

Something bad is approaching.

~Hinamori Momo

(October Eleventh)

Dear Diary,

I knew it. The black cloud hung over not only myself today, but a number of the other students in school as well. Yamada Hanataro, the boy I sent into the bathroom after Hitsugaya-kun yesterday, was hit by a car this morning right outside my house. Sometime during the day, I found out that he is in critical condition, but the doctors believe that he will live.

I guess I'm relieved. I mean, of course I'm glad that he'll be alright, but I can't help feeling that it's rather odd that so many kids from school have been getting hurt so badly lately. On average, the worst injury suffered in a span of six months is a broken limb of some sort, and car accidents happen maybe once or twice a year. And nine times out of ten, no one dies.

Now we've got what some are calling a disaster. In less than two weeks, about three or four kids have been injured; one of them is now dead, and another is in the hospital. With Zaraki-sensei as a gym teacher, the injuries are sure to continue to peak.

If anything more were to happen to Hitsugaya-kun, I don't know what I would do.

Oh! I can't believe I almost forgot that Aizen-dono was here! It was an awkward sort of visit that I'm not used to, but I don't know how to describe it. It kind of felt like there was so much tension in the air that sparks seemed likely to fly.

I don't quite understand that tension. Hitsugaya-kun says to be cautions of Aizen-dono, although I can't say I see why that is necessary. Unless it was trying to hurt someone, I can't even imagine him hurting a fly.

But it came out that Hitsugaya-kun may be leaving this Friday night. I'm happy for him, but I'm also sad that we won't be able to see each other as much anymore. It's such a selfish thought, but I wish he didn't have to leave. I know that he should spend more time with his family, but I don't even know if that's going to do him much good.

Maybe...maybe I should take a step back and try to see this through his perspective. Then perhaps I'll understand his decision.

~Hinamori Momo

(October Twelfth)

Dear Diary,

I asked Hitsugaya-kun again about Friday, but I have yet to get a straight answer out of him. Whenever I ask him, he deflects the question as if he never heard me ask. I'm no expert, but it seems to me as if he is afraid to go home. I can't understand why, though I suppose that it's not really any of my business.

I wonder if my desire for him to stay has begun to wear off on him, despite that I've never actually stated it out loud before. If this was the case, I don't think I would want him to stay, if it was only for my sake. I would feel like I'm robbing him of his family.

If he has no idea what I want, then I wonder what he could possibly be afraid of at his own house. He said that neither his father nor his mother are alcoholics, and he never implied them to be abusive, either. I even met his mother once, and she hardly appears to be the type to allow fighting in her home. I'm not sure about Hitsugaya-kun's father. I'm sure he's not so bad.

He never talks about either of them, and rarely his sister. Actually, we don't often speak of anything that is a touchy subject for either of us, as well as anything that may turn into a touchy subject.

I guess we're trying to keep each other above the surface in this sea of nightmares that we call life. I just wish I was strong enough to hold onto him a bit more securely.

Because he keeps slipping and going under. I'm afraid of the day that he can't return.

~Hinamori Momo

* * *

The last two entries may explain why this wasn't posted when I implied it would be, but it's also because I didn't write it until about two days ago. I've been a wee bit busy, and sick. (I'm still sick, and I can't go ten minutes without coughing.)

I hope to post the next chapter within the next week, because I want to get it caught up with where the main story is going to start in chapter eight.

Please review~!


	7. October Thirteenth and Fourteenth

As promised, here is the next chapter, right on schedule! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Dear Diary

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Seven: October 13, 14

(October Thirteenth)

Dear Diary,

How could this have happened? Just when everything was starting to turn around, it decided to take a sudden turn for the worst. I thought everything was great when Hitsugaya-kun told me that he loves me before he left, but I was expecting a phone call from him within half an hour, but then an hour passed and no call had come. I called over to his house to see if maybe he had forgotten, but there was no answer. Panicking, I threw on my shoes and ran over to his house, where I found the lights on and the front door wide open.

Something felt off, so I rushed into the house, soon finding myself confronting a rather horrific scene in his living room. Hitsugaya-kun's parents...I can't even begin to describe what I saw. There was so much blood in the room that the smell was overwhelming, and when I spotted Hitsugaya-kun lying on the floor coated in fresh blood seeping from a wound of his own, I found myself deaf. It took me a while to realize that I was screaming.

Someone must have heard me, because the room and house was swarming with emergency officers before long. I had not moved from the place I had collapsed onto my knees, and I found that it was because I _couldn't_ move. Fear, panic, sorrow. They had me cowering in the doorway, unable to do anything. I was paralyzed.

Somehow, I became aware of a change of scenery, only to come to the realization that I was in the hospital. I became hysterical, and a ring of nurses circled me, trying to calm me down. Telling me that everything would be alright. But they're not the ones that had just discovered their boyfriend on the brink of death.

No. I don't even know if he's going to live. I haven't heard anything as of yet, and it's nearly midnight. I'm not going home tonight. I don't think I'm going to go anywhere until I can find out what Hitsugaya-kun's condition is.

I'm scared. If Hitsugaya-kun were to die, I don't know how I could possibly go on. Just the thought of going to school knowing that he might never be there again terrifies me. And if someone were to take his seat, I don't think I could ever bring myself to turn and talk to this person, only because I would see Hitsugaya-kun in the seat instead of them.

I've been crying for a long while now. There's a nurse, I've been calling her Nel-chan, who has been especially kind to me. She held me and let me cry, but she never said anything. Just sat with me until eleven, when her shift ended.

That was about a half an hour ago. Since then, I've wandered around bits of the hospital in search of information. I was unsuccessful, but I did manage to find scrap paper and writing utensils, thus how I'm getting this done. I supposed that writing everything out would clear my mind, and it has, to say the least.

But it hasn't made me forget.

Soon, I'll go to sleep. Perhaps they will be able to tell me more in the morning. Maybe they'll take the night to attempt to figure out what exactly happened in that house, because I certainly have no clue. I'm not even sure I want to know.

I only with that this hospital wasn't in Karakura Town. I want to go to Rangiku-san's house and seek comfort in her, although I'm not sure even she can repair this damage that has been dealt.

~Hinamori Momo

(October Fourteenth)

Dear Diary,

I awoke this morning in a room as if I was an overnight patient, which might not actually be too far from the truth. I was confused for a while, and then I remembered everything from yesterday. That must have been the worst experience of my life. Waking up as if from a nightmare, only to find that it was the reality all along.

I used my entire morning trying to pry information out of nurses and doctors, but to no avail. Whether this was because they didn't know anything about it or they were not permitted to reveal what they did, I'll likely never be sure. But when I returned to 'my' room at around noon, I found the green-haired nurse from the night before waiting for me. She formally introduced herself as Nelliel tu Odelschvanck, then told me that Hitsugaya-kun is in her care.

I wanted to hug her. Finally, after searching for so long, someone had come to _me_ with what I was looking for. Unfortunately, it wasn't all good news. Even though Hitsugaya-kun will live, he's currently in a coma, and it's uncertain when he will awaken. I was told that it might not be too long, since his injury managed to bypass all of his vitals.

I was so relieved that I began to cry tears of joy. After a moment, Nel-chan offered to take me to see him, and there was no way I could turn her down. She led me down countless corridors, finally coming to a pause at a set of double doors labelled 'Intensive Care Unit'. I held my breath as we passed into the near silent hallway.

The fifth door down on the left was his. Seeing his name engraved on the nameplate sent shivers down my spine, and I couldn't help but to hesitate to follow Nel-chan into the room.

There, in the bed centred along the wall, was Hitsugaya-kun. His skin was pale, almost a deathly white, and he looked so small and helpless in the oversized bed. Vulnerable.

Slowly, I made my way to his bedside, shaking the whole way. I have never seen anyone looking as he does right now. His hands are as cold as ice, and he lays so still that if it wasn't for the subtle rise and fall of his chest, I would think he was dead.

Past his hospital robes, I noticed the thick bandages that cover his chest and right shoulder. I turned back to the youth-like nurse and asked her if she knew what had happened to him. She told me that it is a deep wound that wraps from his waist to the middle of his back, crossing his chest and shoulder as well. It didn't, as she said earlier, hit any vitals, but a few nerves had been severed in his arm, but they will heal with time. They presume that his injury was made with some sort of blade, perhaps a long sword, but they can't be sure.

So I sat there in his room for most of the afternoon, holding on to his icy hand as the rest of the day drained away. Some time later, Rangiku-san arrived, panic-stricken with worry. She embraced and held me for a long while, then released me and took a seat next to the chair I had been sitting in.

For a time, she didn't say anything, but suddenly she asked, with a shaky voice, about what happened. I told her as much as I knew, leaving out details that I didn't care to recall. I began crying all over again, and before I was even finished talking, the expression on her face was one of pure shock and horror. She revealed that she had heard about it on the television, but it hadn't said much about what happened. Hitsugaya-kun's parents had been named, but his own name had been withheld, as well as mine.

Eventually, we had to leave his room, after which Rangiku-san offered to take me home. As soon as I was authorized to leave, I gathered what little belongings I had with me and we left the hospital. Now I'm home, and Rangiku-san is going to be staying with me until everything is sorted out.

I think I'm a bit afraid right now. What if the doctors were wrong and Hitsugaya-kun doesn't make it? I don't think I could live with the guilt; knowing that I'm the one who encouraged him to go home is killing me inside.

Is...Is all of this my fault?

~Hinamori Momo

* * *

So there, those of you reading both stories can be spoiled by knowing that he's not dead yet. And when reading the next chapter I'll post of that one, you'll know some things that he doesn't find out until later on.

The next chapter is the debut of Ichimaru, and the projected posting date will be for December first, Ulquiorra's birthday. (For those who never notice it, I always post only on character's birthdays.)

Review please~~!


	8. October Fifteenth through Seventeenth

Yay~! It's party time! –looks around- Wait, what do you mean this isn't Ulquiorra's birthday party? Oh damn, I suppose it isn't. –discards Batman costume-

Please enjoy this [on time] chapter~!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Nor Batman.

Dear Diary

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Eight: October 15, 16, 17

(October Fifteenth)

Dear Diary,

Rangiku-san and I went back to the hospital this morning, but nothing had changed as far as Hitsugaya-kun's condition. I wanted to stay with him for a while, but Rangiku-san said that it would make me more depressed (I didn't know I was, I guess), so we left rather early. Back at my house, I couldn't find the motivation to do anything, not even watch the movie that Rangiku-san put on. Before it was over, however, her grandmother called and asked her to return home to keep an eye on her cousins. Rangiku-san apologized for having to leave me alone so soon, but I promised her that I'd be fine.

Ten minutes after her departure, I picked up my phone and called Aizen-dono, asking him if he would take me to the hospital to visit a friend. He didn't ask any questions, merely said he would be right over. After I cradled the receiver, I changed my clothes, put on socks and shoes, then stood waiting inside my front door for him.

When his car finally pulled up, I burst out of my house and practically jumped into it, eager to get back to Hitsugaya-kun's side. As we drove, Aizen-dono asked how I was faring, what with Hitsugaya-kun in critical condition and all (it seems he heard about it on the news, as well). I told him how petrified I am of Hitsugaya-kun not making it, and even revealed my own personal feelings of guilt. Aizen-dono explained that how I feel is only to be expected, but that it's not really my fault at all. Hitsugaya-kun decided on his own to return home, and all I was doing was trying to encourage him to do the right thing, so there's nothing for me to feel guilty about.

By the time we arrived at the hospital, my spirits had been restored, and I asked the doctor who was caring for Hitsugaya-kun, Kurosaki Isshin, about my friend's parents. I discovered that their funeral will be this Tuesday, the seventeenth. I also found out that none of Hitsugaya-kun's relatives have been contacted as of yet, so it's starting to look like he might end up getting placed in a foster home unless something else can be arranged.

If only he could live with me for a while, maybe I wouldn't be worrying about this so much. But there's no way they would allow that, seeing as there is no blood relation connecting us. Of course, all of this is assuming that Hitsugaya-kun lives.

No, I can't allow myself to continue thinking like this. Hitsugaya-kun will survive, because he's strong enough to pull through. He's not so weak as to let some injury, despite its seriousness, off him so easily, so I need to calm down. He'll be fine; I'm sure of it.

~Hinamori Momo

(October Sixteenth)

Dear Diary,

I went back to school this morning, but it really was just for the morning, and not all of it either. I couldn't stand all of the whispering and looks and expressions of sorrow and sympathy sent in my direction. Before fourth period, I was on my way home, my head spinning, feeling like it might quite literally explode. I've calmed down a bit since then, but I fear that such things in school are only going to escalate with time.

Rangiku-san brought my homework to me after school and stayed with me for an hour, then had to leave again. For the second day in a row, I called Aizen-dono and asked him to take me back to the hospital, where I decided that I will attend the funeral for Hitsugaya-kun's parents tomorrow. But since I can't exactly go alone (It's out of town and I can't drive yet), I asked Aizen-dono to go with me. Once I got home, I called and asked Rangiku-san as well. Both have agreed, so it appears as if I will be missing yet another day of school for a funeral.

But the person I depended on for support at the last one won't even be conscious this time around. But I suppose Rangiku-san and Aizen-dono will be plenty enough tomorrow, especially since I never _really_ met either of Hitsugaya-kun's parents. And at the same time, I should just be grateful that he's not going to be among the bodies lowered into the earth.

...These days are becoming terribly stressful for me lately. I'm not sure how much more I can take of this. If Hitsugaya-kun doesn't wake up soon...I don't know what I'm going to do.

~Hinamori Momo

(October Seventeenth)

Dear Diary,

Today was the funeral for Hitsugaya-kun's parents. Including myself, there was only about twenty people in attendance. Rangiku-san and Aizen-dono were there, as well as someone named Ichimaru Gin, whom Aizen-dono brought with him. I guess they're related or something, but I don't see how, since they look absolutely nothing alike. Actually, Ichimaru-san really creeps me out, but Rangiku-san seemed quite taken with him.

The first ceremony lasted only about forty five minutes, and then Hitsugaya-kun's parents were cremated instead of buried, their ashes taken to the family plot just outside of Rukongai, where the funeral was being held. Another ceremony was performed at the plot, during which I took notice to the most recent name to be added.

Hitsugaya Natsume.

I kept my head bowed for the rest of the time we were there, and my solemn expression has remained with me for the rest of the night, even now, even as I sat by Hitsugaya-kun's bed again. I may know the pain of losing a parent, and I may know what it's like to never have my father around, but I am far from experienced when it comes to the loss of one's own entire family. When Hitsugaya-kun wakes up, I can't even begin to fathom what he's going to be going through.

He must have been so petrified to find his parents in such a state. I certainly was, and I didn't even really know them that much at all. For him to have found them...And having seen his sister die right in front of him years ago, too!

Thinking about it now, I wouldn't be terribly surprised if he _doesn't_ wake up after all. With everything that has happened to him thus far, what's stopping it from getting even worse? But, what does he even have left to lose? He's lost his whole family now, and they still can't find any living relatives of his, so really, unless Rangiku-san and I happen to be included, he has nothing more that can be taken.

Here I go again. I have to have faith that Hitsugaya-kun will wake up, and that he'll find reason enough to want to stay alive and to continue on. A raison d'être (1), if you will.

Perhaps me?

~Hinamori Momo

* * *

1 – Raison d'être – reason to live, if I'm not mistaken. (The creepy part about this is that as soon as I wrote this down, I realized that the opening for the Claymore anime was playing on my laptop. (Song is Raison D'être by Nightmare.))

So there you have it, people. I'm sorry to say that the next chapter will not be posted until 20 December, unless I manage to finish chapter nine of Hitsugaya's story before the tenth. Which is not likely (I'm still on the first page, albeit the bottom).

I'll spoil you all and tell you that he wakes up. But really, that should be obvious.

Please review~!


	9. October Eighteenth through Twentieth

Yeah, so this was supposed to be posted eleven days ago, but this is the result of pure procrastination and overestimation of myself. 'Oh yeah, I've got a week to go and I've already started it. It'll be ready in time.' Not.

Anyway, enjoy~!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Dear Diary

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Nine: October 18, 19, 20

(October Eighteenth)

Dear Diary,

He woke up! It wasn't for long, but Hitsugaya-kun awoke early this morning! I was so happy, I cried tears of joy when Nel-chan told me this afternoon. I don't know all of the details behind it, but I guess he found out about his parents, freaked out and ran down the hall, but pulled open his stitches and passed out. He's still sleeping now, but I've been informed that he will likely wake again soon. I'm glad.

I also heard from Nel-chan that late last night, it really looked like Hitsugaya-kun was a goner. His heart rate dropped drastically, and he all but stopped breathing on his own. Nothing the doctors did could better his condition, and it just continued to worsen. Then, miraculously, his vitals restored themselves, almost as if nothing had ever been wrong.

I hope nothing like that happens again, for I fear that he's not going to come back a second time. But from what I understand, it's not likely to occur again, though the doctors have taken the proper precautions just in case. Hitsugaya-kun is in capable hands here. I have faith that his next bout of consciousness is not far off.

Oh, and I may have solved the problem of where Hitsugaya-kun is to stay after he has been released from the hospital. If someone in town were to adopt him, someone like Aizen-dono, he would live nearby and I could visit him whenever I want! I would know he's well cared and provided for, and because Aizen-dono is such an amazing person, Hitsugaya-kun could quickly recover from his tragedies and move on to focus on all of the good things in his life.

I haven't told anyone, including Aizen-dono himself, about this idea yet, but that's because I only very recently came to what could possibly be the only solution to keeping Hitsugaya-kun by my side. Perhaps I'll run it past Rangiku-san and Ichimaru-san tomorrow to work out the kinks, then present it to Aizen-dono.

Speaking of Ichimaru-san, he transferred into Seireitei Academy today. He's a senior, and he received a schedule similar to that of Rangiku-san's, though they're not completely identical. They share the first four classes and lunch, but it's different otherwise. He has gym last, so he'll be in Hitsugaya-kun's class, whenever he returns. (By the way, Ichimaru-san wasn't scared of Zaraki-sensei either; it was actually the other way around. From what I heard, Zaraki-sensei doesn't like him, and is trying to find a way to get rid of him. It's highly amusing to think that this may be true. Hitsugaya-kun will laugh as well, I'm sure.)

I suppose I should get to my homework now. I've been falling behind this past week, and that's not going to look good when my father gets the weekly progress report from the school. He'll call to find out what's going on, and I'll have to explain it all. In the process, he'll find out about Hitsugaya-kun staying here for so long, leading to anger at the staff, and he'll probably end up firing them all, and I'll be forbidden from speaking to Hitsugaya-kun—the whole bit.

I don't feel like dealing with that, so I'll keep my grades up as high as possible—like I always do.

~Hinamori Momo

(October Nineteenth)

Dear Diary,

Aizen-dono declined my idea of adopting Hitsugaya-kun. I was disappointed, but he said that there are a number of reasons why he can't do it. Since he and my father have very similar jobs, that means that he also is not around very often. For someone like Hitsugaya-kun, who might break down in a matter of minutes, he would need someone that would definitely be available at any given moment.

When it was put like that, I was upset to realize just how bad off Hitsugaya-kun is going to be when he wakes up. He'll be more fragile than a piece of ancient, fine old china, and even a gust of wind could shatter him beyond repair.

Another of Aizen-dono's reasons is that he believes he wouldn't be a good parent. _I_ don't see this, but he insists upon it. Apparently, he feels as if he has become too adjusted to living by himself, and would probably find himself forgetting that there is someone else there. Already, he said that he's forgotten Ichimaru-san's presence, and continuously turns off the lights after leaving a room.

I know it would take a while to adjust for the both of them, but I'm sure they would get along just fine.

Although, there's still one point of Aizen-dono's reasons for decline, and I have to say that this one bothers me the most. He said that he's not sure Hitsugaya-kun will even want a new father so soon, and maybe he won't want to be adopted at all. I'm curious about this, actually. Won't Hitsugaya-kun just want to get back to the flow of life so he can forget this ever happened?

Maybe that's easier said than done. I don't know what he saw in that room last week, so I can't possibly decide what he could and shouldn't be doing. Besides, he only woke up once yesterday, and not since. Until he is awake and released, I can't do anything.

Speaking of his getting released, I found out that he might be permitted to leave some time within this week. So long as he wakes up, doesn't manage to dislocate his stitches again, and behaves himself, I've understood that he may be able to leave this Saturday or Sunday. It's Friday tomorrow already, so my hopes are higher than they have been in a little while.

I've been spending much of my time at the hospital, now that he could wake up at any given time. I want to be there for him and be able to comfort him, because I'm sure he's going to need it. If he were to think for a minute that something had happened to me as well, I'm sure that whatever he would do wouldn't be such a good thing.

~Hinamori Momo

(October Twentieth)

Dear Diary,

Hitsugaya-kun woke up again this afternoon, and I was lucky enough to have been there when he did so. He didn't really seem like himself, but I suppose he's still a bit dazed. The painkillers and medication aren't helping there, either. He seemed shocked to find out that I had gone to his house last week, though that should be expected, since he was half-dead when I got there.

It was a bit awkward in the hospital today, because we (Rangiku-san and I) found out that Hitsugaya-kun doesn't know much about his injury, and Rangiku-san has begun speculating that he might not actually remember everything about that night. He hasn't said anything about the culprit, so we're not sure if he didn't see the person at all, if he did and doesn't remember, or if he did, remembers and just isn't saying anything about it. But I know they scheduled an interrogation by the police for tomorrow, so we'll hopefully find out then.

I feel a bit like a jerk, though. When I saw Hitsugaya-kun's eyes open, the only thing I could think of was that bloody living room I'd stumbled upon. That never happened before when looking at him, but it suddenly has started up now. Every time I see him, I feel sick and lightheaded.

Because of this, I can't help but to hate myself. He's been through Hell and back, and I have the nerve to feel nervous and awkward around him. Even if it isn't mutual, I think I should at least try to keep up my usual countenance around him. I was told a long time ago that as long as he is in a positive, familiar environment, he should be able to recover well enough.

My smiling, happy face should be familiar and positive, right? And school and Rangiku-san should help out a bunch, too. There, that's it. Even if Hitsugaya-kun can't stay with me, being there for him and helping him with whatever he needs will be the least I can do.

We'll make it through this, I'm sure. No, we have to make it through. It's all we can do to survive.

~Hinamori Momo

* * *

Awh, I missed it. I wanted to post this at midnight on my New Year's Day, but I've missed it. By ten minutes. Pooh. Anyway, Happy New Year, and I hope this year will bring this story to a close.

I also hope that you enjoyed this chapter, because this is where the action picks up.

Please review~!


	10. October TwentyFirst

And here we go with a new chapter~! It's been a while, but for a good number of reasons. I got a bit busy with school, other stories, and this somehow kept ending up at the bottom of my list. It took me forever to get it written, much less typed.

But here I am, so I hope you all can enjoy the chapter~!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Dear Diary

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Ten: October 21

(October Twenty-First)

Dear Diary,

Hitsugaya-kun had an interview with the police this morning, so I had to stall going to see him. I tried to call Aizen-dono to see if he would like to join me at the hospital, but no one ever answered his phone. I guess he wasn't there. Rangiku-san took me, so it wasn't as if Aizen-dono was my only hope of getting there. But Rangiku-san had to leave right away to get back home, and I ended up staying with Hitsugaya-kun for a while longer.

I wanted to find out what would be done with him if he were released, so when Kurosaki-san came in to check up on him and I had to leave, I lingered in the hallway at a place that would allow me to easily overhear their conversation. When Hitsugaya-kun didn't say anything after he was asked if he could think of anywhere to stay, I knew I had to step in and volunteer my house. I couldn't let him stay with strangers in a time like this.

I actually wasn't sure how it would go, but it got approved rather quickly, so Hitsugaya-kun was ready to leave by 15.45. Kurosaki-san had us wait until 17.00, and then took the two of us back to my house himself, telling us that Hitsugaya-kun's stay with me can only be temporary.

Hitsugaya-kun has two weeks to find a blood relative, or else he'll get placed into foster care. I'm worried about that, but I'm sure that he'll manage to think of something. I mean, it's not like he can be the only one of his bloodline still around, right?

After Kurosaki-san left, Hitsugaya-kun told me that he was going home to get his clothing and some of his other important possessions, insisting that he'd be alright on his own for a short while. I hesitated for a bit, but decided that it might be best if he were able to brave his house alone. It would mean that he's already begun to recover.

While he was gone, I had the guest room fixed up again, and made sure everything was in order before he got back. But then, he didn't return. I waited for an hour, and fear struck me, because it was the same thing that happened on the thirteenth. Panic controlled me, directing me back to his house, hoping that I wouldn't find a scene similar to before.

I was relieved when I found him just sitting there on his front steps, and I soon convinced him to go inside, myself at his side. A few moments after reaching his room, Rangiku-san called my cell phone, and I had to leave Hitsugaya-kun in the house by himself, since I didn't get much service there.

Rangiku-san wanted to know how things were going, and I remembered that I hadn't called her to let her in on what was going on. After she was briefed, she babbled on and on about her cousins, probably to help me stop worrying about Hitsugaya-kun, but I had to cut her off to go check on him. I went back through the house, but didn't see him in his room. I checked all of the other upstairs rooms, the kitchen, the dining room, and glanced into the study, but there was no sign of him, not even in the backyard.

I couldn't fathom that he had gone into the living room, so I went back out into the street and called Rangiku-san back. She came over quickly, and I hastily explained the situation to her. She told me that Hitsugaya-kun's trauma may have taken him have taken him back to the one place I didn't look, so Rangiku-san went to check.

Sure enough, it turned out that Hitsugaya-kun was indeed in the living room, so we went on home after that. Not without an argument, of course. I started talking randomly to break the silence, but when I mentioned Aizen-dono's name, Hitsugaya-kun insisted that he (Aizen-dono) was the one responsible for his parents' death.

That's not even possible. Aizen-dono barely knew Hitsugaya-kun, much less his parents! Even if he had known them for years, I can't see that he would have killed them. Why would Aizen-dono kill anyone? But Hitsugaya-kun is convinced that it was him, says that he can see him doing it.

I'm afraid, and I don't know what to think anymore.

Aizen-dono didn't do it.

Right?

~Hinamori Momo

* * *

This chapter was supposed to be both the 21st and the 22nd, but since the second day would give away too much stuff related to the other story, I've pushed it back into the next chapter. There'll still be thirteen chapters here, so the end is almost here for this story, too.

Less than 1000 words again. :(

Review, please~!


	11. October 22 and 23

As much as I wanted to be an idiot and post this chapter sooner, I couldn't, since too much would have been given away, and I don't like giving spoilers too much. That's a lie, but we'll just pretend that it's not. :)

Enjoy this chapter~!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

Dear Diary

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Eleven: October 22, 23

(October Twenty-Second)

Dear Diary,

Today was even crazier than yesterday, and I've come to the conclusion that Hitsugaya-kun might not be recovering as quickly as I previously thought. I was awakened early this morning by my door being thrust open and my light turned on. It was Hitsugaya-kun, who was worried about me because it was too quiet in my house. I guess this is only to be expected with what he found in his house when it was just as quiet, but it sure startled me.

I could tell that he felt bad about it right after it happened, because he apologized more times than necessary. It wasn't hard to forgive him, because I couldn't bring myself to be mad at him over something he did merely out of a moment of panic.

I'm not sure why, but I told Hitsugaya-kun that we could talk with Aizen-dono to sort out this situation. I really can't figure out why I said it, though I'm going to assume that sleepiness made me reveal the dilemma I had been facing: the two people I care most for in the world are at odds with each other, and it's tearing me apart. Hitsugaya-kun went along with my idea, so I called Rangiku-san this morning and asked her to come over. At breakfast, which she joined me for, I asked her if she would go along with us to Aizen-dono's house.

She said yes, and then there was a lot of down time until we left. Hitsugaya-kun went to his room while Rangiku-san and I talked in mine. She believes that Hitsugaya-kun might be right when he says it was Aizen-dono that killed his parents, but I still don't buy it. Hitsugaya-kun never said anything about it in the hospital, then I talk about Aizen-dono a few times and suddenly he's the killer? No, it's not true. It can't be.

At twelve-thirty, the three of us ate lunch and left my house before one. On the walk over there, Hitsugaya-kun was acting strange. Maybe he was just nervous or something, but he didn't seem like himself. I was afraid that he might do something bad to Aizen-dono when we found him, but we were, I suppose, lucky. We didn't find Aizen-dono at all, although we instead encountered Ichimaru-san.

I had been hoping that he would be able to vouch for Aizen-dono the night of the murders, but he did just the opposite. He said that he hasn't seen Aizen-dono in a few days, and on that night, Aizen-dono was out for most of the night. To top it off, he's practically _encouraging_ Hitsugaya-kun's suspicion, even though I've been trying so hard to rid him of it.

I tried to defend Aizen-dono as much as I could, but for everything I said, someone had something to counter it. Eventually, Hitsugaya-kun wanted to leave, and after he and Rangiku-san argued over what to do with Ichimaru-san, the four of us left. It was determined that Ichimaru-san will stay with Rangiku-san for a while, but none of us are sure just how long that 'while' is going to become. Maybe until the two of them graduate, or until this matter with Aizen-dono is resolved.

Back at my place, Hitsugaya-kun and I spent most of the evening apart. He stayed in his room and I resigned to mine, and we even ate dinner at separate times of the night, though I'm not sure if that was deliberate or not. I would assume that we just got hungry at different times, but that might not necessarily be the case.

I did, however, follow after him when I heard him come back upstairs. I hovered outside of his door for a moment, debating whether I truly wanted to go in or not. Finally, I knocked on his door and was granted permission to enter. He was lying back on his bed, but it didn't really seem as if he was planning on going to sleep anytime soon, even though he was under his blankets. I closed his door behind myself and we talked for a short bit. He told me, after I asked him what I should do about the situation between him and Aizen-dono, that I should think for myself more often, and that if I really didn't know which side to take, then I should take the side that feels right to me, or none at all.

I've heard advice similar to this before, but it had been presented to me in such a manner that made me pay it little to no attention. Now, coming from Hitsugaya-kun, I do believe that it has hit home a bit better, so hopefully I can put it to more use than before.

Just after he gave me the advice, I thanked him, kissed him on the forehead, and forced myself to leave the room. I didn't really want to go, but it's been awkward between us lately, and I think that maybe we just need a bit more time apart, even if neither of us wants to agree to it. I mean, I sure don't.

Because it was painful for me to have to come back to my room and leave him there.

~Hinamori Momo

(October Twenty-Third)

Dear Diary,

It's been another long day. This morning, I woke up and left for school before Hitsugaya-kun had risen, which really isn't unusual, seeing as he's only been awake for a few days now. School was uneventful, also normal, but when I got back home, I was immediately informed that Hitsugaya-kun had left. I couldn't believe it, so I ran up to his room to find that he had indeed gone away. I found a note on my door from him, telling me not to worry because he had merely gone over to the city of Rukongai for the day, and he'd be back before tomorrow morning.

The only thing it didn't say was how I could contact him. I've never seen him with a cell phone, but doesn't mean that he doesn't have one. I was both afraid and annoyed; annoyed that I couldn't reach him, and afraid of what he might have been doing. (I know that Aizen-dono doesn't live in Rukongai, but I feared that Hitsugaya-kun was just saying that he went to Rukongai, but instead went searching for Aizen-dono.) I tried calling Rangiku-san to see if she could go look for him, but she told me that she was busy and couldn't help.

I knew that I couldn't just jump on a bus, go to Rukongai and look for him. The city is huge, and I would likely get myself lost, rather than finding him. Actually, he'd probably be the one to find me. That being said, I ended up spending the rest of the afternoon and part of the evening pacing around my house. Finally, some time after seven-thirty, I was looking out a window in the study and spotted him approaching the house. In a split second, I was at the door, pulling it open and interrogating him before he was in the door.

As mad as I was, I failed to notice the sombre expression on his face upon entering the house, but when I asked him about where he had gone specifically, I realized where it must have been. His reply confirmed it, and I felt terrible for being so mad and suspecting him of lying on the note he left for me. We talked a bit after that, and then he revealed that he'll be returning to school tomorrow.

I was elated when he told me, and I gave up on my earlier anger. I asked him if he wanted to borrow my books to catch up, and also if he wanted me to show him how far in the books we got, but he declined both offers. I felt a bit dejected, though I didn't let it show on my face. Hitsugaya-kun then went to his room, and I came here to mine, where I tried to work on my own homework.

I didn't get very far in before I suddenly felt nauseous and had to puke.

I've been concerned about something for a few days, but I haven't mentioned it in here because I was hoping that this particular problem would go away and solve itself, but it still hasn't, because I still haven't gotten it. My period, which was due about ten days ago, still hasn't come. I'm petrified of what this could insinuate. If I...If I'm pregnant, what would happen? My father would kill me, most definitely.

What should I do? What should I do? What should I do? I can't go get a test to find out, because if someone found it, I'd be in so much trouble. Even just buying it would be a challenge, because I'm sure my father would hear about it somehow. I'd be dead, and I'm sure Hitsugaya-kun would find himself meeting the same fate. If it is true, what I think, we're in trouble anyway. It's not like I'll be able to keep it a secret for much longer, anyway.

I have to say, though, that maybe one good thing could come out of this. If Hitsugaya-kun needs to live with a blood relative, and I have his flesh and blood inside of me, then maybe he would be permitted to stay here, with his child-to-be. I know it's too soon to be making these assumptions, but maybe this can work. We might actually get to stay together.

There's another problem, though. How should I go about telling him? When would it be proper to let him know that he might have a kid? I don't think I could just walk right up and tell him, but I can't just go on and keep this act up. Maybe he'll sense it and ask me, and I'll confess and apologize, begging his forgiveness because I didn't tell him sooner. Not that I didn't, but that I _couldn't_.

I think...tonight I'll over to his room and attempt to tell him. Maybe it's not the right time, but this is the least I can do.

~Hinamori Momo

* * *

So, what do you all think? I'm trying to keep her personality in check, but it sometimes gets out of control. I'm sorry for this.

Review if you would, please. Much effort is poured into this, so it's always appreciated to have feedback.

By the way, I have made a Facebook page for my account. If you would like to be up to date with the status of each individual chapter of my stories, just go to Facebook, search for my name (Kouzumi93) and like the page.


End file.
